Scraped Knee
→˚₊· :🐚: ੭*
written by cinnamondumbb ♡
in which Lo'ak first communes with Neteyam at the Spirit Tree after his passing.
where Tsireya and Payakan are there for Lo'ak when he needs them most.
author's note: i haven't written anything in a rly long time, i know i'm a little rusty and maybe this piece is absolute shit, but i'm practicing to get better ! constructive criticism is always welcome :) thank you soso much for taking the time to read my work, it means a lot to me <3
word count: 1,809
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Almost two years had gone by since his brother's death. Almost two years since Lo'ak could not save him.
The Sully boy shifted in his slumber, his thoughts too dark, his heart too heavy to allow him to rest. Giving up on the idea of sleeping altogether, Lo'ak got up before sunrise, sneaking out of his pod, being careful not to startle his family. It would be best to not be there when they all woke up, anyway. He could not stand to be there with them, that day of all days.
After calling for his ilu, Lo'ak dived in the water without making a sound, a skill he had mastered with his time amongst the Metkayina.
Diving always helped pacifying his troubled mind. It made him forget about everything above the surface, concentrating only on his breathing, his surroundings, the flow of energy in and out of him — just like Tsireya had taught him. The boy was able to find peace within, even if only for a short while.
Finding Payakan was a rather easy task. Crossing the reefs to meet his spirit brother had become part of Lo'ak's routine by now. He had grown so used to the path that he did not need to think about where he was going, his ilu would simply take him there.
Payakan rejoiced at the sight of his brother, picking him up with his fin and bringing him closer.
He knew what that day meant to Lo'ak.
"I See you, brother", Was all that Payakan said.
"I See you", Lo'ak signed in response.
Neither of them said anything else, being together in silence was enough. The boy laid down on the tulkun's back, gazing at the stars, his mind lost else where.
Lo'ak did not know how long it had been since he left the village, or for how long he had laid in the dark ocean with his thoughts, all he knew was that the sun was already in the sky when she arrived.
She moved so gracefully in the water towards him. The bottom half of her face was hidden in the water, but he could tell by her eyes that she was smiling. Lo'ak knew that she was insecure about her smile, it was 'too full of teeth', according to her. He disagreed, he could not think of a smile he'd rather see.
However, her pretty smile faded as soon as she saw the grim expression plastered on the Sully boy's face. She rushed to him, greeting Payakan before the tulkun helped her up his back, while Lo'ak sat up straight.
However, the boy's gaze was still lost in someplace else.
Tsireya did not speak immediately. She was not sure of what was going on, what pained him so on that morning. Gently, she reached for his face. He sighed, his eyes fluttering shut as he leaned into her touch.
"Happy Birthday, Lo'ak", Tsireya wished, brushing her thumb across the omatikayan's cheek. "What is wrong?"
Lo'ak could feel his throat tighten as well as his eyes starting to burn. He did not wish cry, especially not in front of Tsireya. He reached for her other hand, holding it close to his chest, which was growing heavy as breathing became more and more difficult. All he could think was that he did not deserve this, he did not deserve her, he did not deserve anything.
"Breath." Tsireya made him look at her at last, his eyes were full of the tears he refused to shed. "Just breath."
"How did you know I was going to be here?", Lo'ak voiced his curiosity once he had gotten his breathing under control.
"Well, it was not hard to guess", That made him smile, only a little "Your family is looking for you. I thought I'd come here and catch you."
"Catch? Don't you mean fetch?" Lo'ak never missed the opportunity to tease her, it did not matter how somber his mood was.
"Tsk, I can catch and fetch you like fish if I want to!" Now Lo'ak was laughing wholeheartedly as he looked at his enfuriated girlfriend trying to hit him playfully, and struggling with it.
He held her arms as she wiggled and laughed trying to get away from his grip. Payakan suddenly shifted under them, making Tsireya almost slip into the water, but Lo'ak took hold of her before she could fall, bringing her into his arms again, her back resting against his chest. He could feel a part of the tension leave his body. It felt good to be able to just laugh and be silly with his girl.
Her tone was serious when she spoke again, after they had caught their breaths and their laughs faded, enjoying a comfortable silence for a little while.
"Lo'ak, what is wrong? Today is a happy day, you are fifteen! You begin training for iknimaya, you earn your place with the people."
"Yes, and I'll help you through everything!" Payakan added, in an attempt to cheer the boy up.
Of course Lo'ak knew all that. Theoretically, he was fully grown now, and ready to start the many coming-of-age rituals of the Metkayina.
"I know, I know, guys. I'll get to bond with a tsurak, earn my first tattoo--"
"Exactly! Are you not excited? Oh, are you scared? That's okay-"
"No, it's not that" Lo'ak scoffed "It's not the iknimaya that scares me" He felt choked up again. He was grateful neither Tsireya nor Payakan could see his face. He pulled Tsireya closer, placing his chin on top of her shoulder, building up the courage to finally voice what had been afflicting him. "I'm scared of what this means, I'm scared of becoming-" He could feel tears running down his cheeks as he tried his best to push them back. "of becoming older than my older brother."
"Oh, Lo'ak..." Payakan hurt for his spirit brother.
Now, that the words were finally out there, Lo'ak felt an empty feeling settle inside of him.
Tsireya turned to face him, her eyes full with tears as well. She held his face between in her hands, pulling him closer till their foreheads met. Lo'ak weeped quietly know, his tears landing softly on Tsireya's cheeks.
They stood like that for a while, eyes closed, breaths intertwined. Lo'ak thought about his family. Would they really like to celebrate his birthday? Or would they keep thinking the same that he was thinking? That his older brother would never reach the age of fifteen, that he was taken from them too soon, that Lo'ak should have been gone, and not him.
Tsireya lifted his chin, locking eyes with him, all she said was:
"Come with me."
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Payakan swam with them nearly all the way, only stopping at the entrance of the Cove of the Ancestors. Then, it was best to go by ilu.
It took more very little convincing from Tsireya to Lo'ak agree to it. Communing with him for the first since what happened. It had been almost two years and he was not even able to say his name, or talk about the occurred.
Of course, it was not the first time Tsireya, or a member of his family, attempted to take him there. Lo'ak was the only one who refused to go. After the funeral, his mother would meet her eldest son in the Spirit Tree nearly every day. Now, the visits were held every month with the entire family. Except for Lo'ak.
But today was different. More than ever, Lo'ak felt the need of his older brother's guidance.
Tsireya was there with him, something he was very grateful for. She demonstrated how to do it, Lo'ak followed her lead, taking his queue and connecting it to one of the strange seaweed-like leaves of the Spirit Tree.
"Stay calm.", she signed to him underwater, and so he did.
He slowed his own heartbeat, calming himself down, before closing his eyes.
Lo'ak woke up in the forest that was once his home. Everything was so familiar to him still, the sound of the animals, of waterfalls, approaching footsteps-
His approaching footsteps.
"Lo'ak! I'm back with the kit-"
Just like that, there he was, a younger version of him, but still his brother, nonetheless. Not in his mind tormenting his thoughts, nor in his nightmares, where Lo'ak witnessed his death over and over again, unable to save him.
He was right there.
Neteyam.
Neteyam kneeled beside his younger brother, who finally took a look at himself. He felt smaller, sitting on the grass floor of the forest, with his old clothes on. His face was wet with tears from a stinging pain on his knee. Lo'ak was slowly understanding. This was a memory.
"-I told you not to climb that damn tree without me, skxawng."
"I know, I'm sorry." Lo'ak could only giggle at Neteyam's reaction. God, he had missed it. He remembered it now, climbing that tall tree after his brother cautioned him about it. He remembered falling, scraping his knee, Neteyam rushing to get a first aid kit without anyone noticing, not wanting for Lo'ak to get in trouble by getting their parents involved.
"It's okay, baby bro, I'm going to get you patched up" Neteyam started gently cleaning his brother's knee with a gaze. He already acted with such responsibility for his early age, a true son of toruk makto. The son Lo'ak never was. "C'mon, bro, stop crying, it's just a scraped knee"
"Sorry, it just- it hurts so much, Neteyam" Lo'ak was not speaking of his knee, but his brother did not know.
"I know, Lo'ak, but all wounds heal with time" He said without taking his eyes off of Lo'ak's knee, too concentrated in applying the medicine, then a cotton patch.
"All wounds?" Lo'ak could feel all the hope in his words as he looked up at his older brother.
"Yes, all wounds! Sure, it hurts now and, shit, it's going to sting for a couple of days, but soon enough the pain will go away."
"You promise?"
"Yes, brother! Now, c'mon, dad promised to take us hunting today!"
"I remember that!" Lo'ak chuckled between hiccups as the memory came back to him. Riding with his father and brother on ikran, hunting and camping together. At night, their father shared tales of his old life on earth by the campfire. He remembered thinking that was a perfect day. Lo'ak could not think of a better day to be with Neteyam.
The eldest Sully boy helped his brother up, making sure he could stand on his own before letting go of him.
Lo'ak had fully stopped crying now, his heart felt lighter than ever.
"You should go ahead, Neteyam, get our stuff ready. I'll be there soon."
"Alright, baby bro, I'll be waiting for you."
Neteyam smiled back at him, before disappearing into the forest.
"Til I see you again, big brother."
Oh Eywa I’m almost crying…this was such a heartwarming scene between Neteyam and Lo’ak. I wish things could have been different.
oasiswithmyg
